More tranny stories later!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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