She's JV to your varsity
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
