I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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