if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
