Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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