i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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