TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
