K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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