Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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