Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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