dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
