I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
