how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
