Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
