you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
