Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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