I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
