both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
