I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
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You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
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Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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