I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
