I'm drive I can fine osifer
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize