Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
worst night to have a conscience
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
