How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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