A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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