it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
operation harelip BJ is a go
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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