Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
