Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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