I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
