he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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