i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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