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I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
