from now on my penis is your penis
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
