I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
