the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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