he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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