At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
