Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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