I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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