I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
