I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
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