Plan B is the new Plan A
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
