He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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