i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
