Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
