I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
