Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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