Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
