Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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