i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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