a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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