i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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