My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
