the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
