apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
