Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This is my gift to your gina
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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