he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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