he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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