to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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