I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
