I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
