Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
