Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
