I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
