For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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