My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
