I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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